Her Name Is Rio

The Brazilian city may have inspired Duran Duran to write a song, but for me it will always be known as the place where a group of Brazilian's huddled around their computer one night and decided to flood my inbox.

Why? Well, judging by the nature of these emails it would appear that there is a man - who may well be 'The Man' - walking the streets of Rio de Janeiro. Unfortunately none of these people have managed to get a photo of him. So what am I to believe? That this is a genuine offer of help from the Brazilian public or one of the greatest wind-ups in the history of this quest?

Only one way to find out I suppose. Where's my passport?

A Quick Update

Nothing much has happened recently. Well, except the fact that I now have posters up in JFK Airport, Sydney and Fulham. 

My facebook friends requests have gone up by at least 3.7% in the last few weeks. I suspect as I happened to mention in a post below that I was on it. Maybe you thought it was a subtle cry for more friends. Alas, you were wrong. I already have more than I strictly require. Never fear though, I have come up with a compromise which one hopes will be to your satisfaction. I have been bullied into joining Twitter. I am sceptical of it but will give it a try. I'm not going to be posting about what I had for breakfast or which Starbucks I plan to be in later on, so if you want that sort of insight into my life you will be disappointed. I will, however, post updates about my quest. Does that sound fair? You can find me here http://twitter.com/mrjonathanlee 

Thank you for all the messages. If you haven't had a reply you will this weekend. That's a promise. I really want to start finishing my posts with a cool catchphrase. But I can't think of one. Bye is the best I have so far. Bye.

My next 'adventure'...

I use the word 'adventure' loosely because quite frankly it could turn, like this has, into a mission. Anyway, I was sat in the Apple Store in Bluewater yesterday waiting for my Mac to be fixed when I saw a fact on rather funky hi-tech plasma screen. Here is what is said...

"With an 80GB iPod, you could travel between San Francisco and New York 25 times without ever hearing the same song twice."

Well, it didn't take long for the light-bulb to flick-on in my head. 'Why not?', I thought, 'It could be fun.' It won't happen anytime soon what with me not having enough money to afford the fuel or indeed an 80 GB iPod, but someday. Someday. Oh and I will probably be after a Road Trip companion so if you are interested check-back in about 2011. I'll hold auditions in Burger King I think. Monday's. 2pm. See you there, yes? Good.

Last Night

It's becoming a familiar tale. On Wednesday I say I think The Man could be in London. On Thursday I get an email from a guy in London who says he took a photo of someone who looks like The Man. He leaves his number so I phone him up. We arrange to meet on Friday night next to Nelson's Column. I'm there at 7pm. It's -2 already and not even my new hat is preventing my ears from turning blue. Damn you Ted Baker. At 7.30pm he still hasn't turned up. (The guy with his photo I mean, not Ted Baker). I get my phone out of my pocket. I call him. No answer. I leave a message. Ten minutes later I call him again. No answer. I'm not happy. In fact, I'm annoyed. I get my bus and go home.

Now I know it sounds like a bit of fun - making me hang around in sub zero temperatures while you are at home in the warm watching the Darts - but it's not very nice is it? I'm never going to turn down an opportunity to meet someone who might have vital information. The time I do will be the time the information is genuine. That's the way life works. It means I am open up to abuse. And abuse is bad.

It's not just the fact that I was bloody freezing though. What also annoys me is that, as strange as it sounds, I also have a life. Last night I had an offer to have a drink in the warm with a friend. But I had to say 'No' because some guy thought he'd be really funny. So now of course my friend thinks that I would much rather be sat at home starring at the wall rather than having a drink with her. Terrific. And I can't tell her why I couldn't have a drink because she wouldn't understand. I'll have to buy her a present now to show her that she is much higher up on my priority list than walls.

I have no option, therefore, but to make a plea. Please stop. Please stop the pranks. It's beginning to ruin my life and have dramatic consequences on the size of my wallet. Thank you kindly.

NB: If you want something else to read while you are sat at your desk supposedly working, may I recommend Mike Gayle's To Do List. 

Just When I Thought I'd Finished...

...I realise I am not.

Just before Christmas my good friend Sharn handed me this passport photo. He had found it in a derelict building site somewhere in London. Now, I know what you are thinking. I am thinking it too. It couldn't be, could it? It couldn't be The Man?

There have been sightings of The Man in London. From all the emails I have been sent, London is the most popular place for sightings. Indeed, I myself chased someone who I thought could be The Man through the London Underground system before I lost him at Bank. And now this passport photo. Gradually I am becoming convinced that The Man I took a photo of in Sydney actually lives on my very door-step. How weird would that be? And what happens if the guy in the passport photo is actually The Man? That would be even weirder. To think that a friend, who I didn't know when I took the Sydney photo, just stumbled across a passport photo of The Man. That's just too spooky. 

So here is my 2009 request for you. If you live in London please keep your eyes open. And if you spot someone who you think could be The Man, stop him. Get his phone number, his email, anything. Sightings are great but I can't do anything with them. I need to be able to contact them. Actually, do this wherever you are. At the very least you'll get a mention on here and that, I think you will agree, is CV material.

Right, I need a lie down. This is too much.

The Bizarre Emails

It would be fair to say that while the vast majority of emails I receive are pleasant and helpful there are also some bloody weird messages that find their way to my inbox. I thought I'd share some with you. My replies are below. They are kind of fun to do and keep you occupied when you're ill.

"dear jonathan lee i hate u u know why beause my wish is about u coming to my city to see my dad who is man and my wish do not come so i like u before but now i hate u. Morgan."
Dear Morgan.
Damn.
PS: I am glad your Dad is a man. This is not always the case.

"can you help me find address for maria sharipova? i like her tennis and want her tell me if i have good backhand. i think i do."

No, I can't help you find an address for Maria Sharapova and if I could do you really think I would give it to you? Your backhand is fine although I prefer your front one.

"Did you once go to Carlisle Elementary School in Texas? I think I knew you."

Yes. I was looking for the Airport.

"Hello Johnathon. What do you think of the economic climate? lol. Mike."

Hello Myk. It's underated. 

"Haven't we got enough Dave Gorman's in the world without you joining in as well?"

Don't worry, I've decided against changing my name.

"this blog is lik well fun i show me m8s an there laughin at it an say its sik an i sed i know u an they think im sik as well. thanx."

They are right. You are sick. I think it's affecting your spelling and grammar too.

PS: Stop meddling with your ankle tag.

"I really like you on 'Would I Lie To You'? Do you do anything else?"

Thank you. Did you prefer me as Lee Mack, David Mitchell or Angus Deayton? And yes, I do anything else. If the money's right.

"I've found you on a facebook and added you but you have not accepted my friend request. Why not?"

I'm sleeping with your Mum.

On a more serious note there was a very interesting development last week and i'll be updating the blog soon.

Part Bangladeshi, Part Free T-Shirts

Hello to all my new readers. Just checked my emails and I have one from someone in Bangladesh. (Strangely this person has a hotmail.co.uk address. Incredible)

By the way, free 'Do You Know Who This Is?' t-shirts coming soon. If you want one email me at anyoneknowwhothisis@gmail.com. The only stipulation I have is that you don't try and sell it on ebay or give it to a Frenchman.